


Help, I'm alive

by PontiffOfTheDeep



Category: Dark Souls (Video Games), Dark Souls III
Genre: Angst, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24816070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PontiffOfTheDeep/pseuds/PontiffOfTheDeep
Summary: Ornstein never got the chance to ask his parents how they truly felt about his journey and the man he had become. This mystery tears his soul apart daily.
Relationships: Lord Gwyn's Firstborn/Dragon Slayer Ornstein, The Nameless King/Dragon Slayer Ornstein
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Help, I'm alive

Simple snaps ran through the air as Ornstein fastened his armour into his body. Each clasp being secured tightly to each other to fit his frame. It was about four in the morning at Anor Londo, still being dark outside and just that small bit chilly. The dragon slayer had become used to getting up so early but he hated touching the freezing metal of his armour. The night air that blew in always made its way to his steel coverings, making it pure agony to put on. Especially after being in his warm bed for so long each night. 

Ornstein took in a deep breath and sighed, spinning on his heels. With the jiggle of his armour he walked over to his balcony, the cold air never failed to wake up him. That and a cup of tea always made rising this early easier, no matter how much Artorias teased him for his choice of beverage. That little shit. He always remarked saying it was 'just grass water’ no matter how many times they argued about it. 

With a small clank, the Knight leaned against the railing of his small balcony out looking the holy city. He truly did love this place. No matter how hard it was to protect it, he would. Ornstein watched the sky in silence, just letting himself breathe and relax. He didn’t have any duties for another hour. He could always go into his office and finish that last bit of paper work but in all reality he wanted an excuse to not look at it for a while. 

His mind wandered for a moment, thinking about the silver knights he was currently teaching then back to paper work. To his fellow knights of Gwyn then back again to his paper work. To the sun’s first born then... A smile rose up onto his face. A small one that turned into a full toothy grin as he quietly laughed to himself. He really was in love, wasn’t he? Ornstein just wished things were different, that their relationship wasn’t frowned upon and that maybe... If his parents were still around, they could meet Gwynsen. That’s it, he ruined his happiness. The dragon slayer's smile soon died, turning into a frown as his eyes drooped with sadness. He hadn’t thought about them in a while... Sure they’d be proud of him, right? 

Ornstein’s family consisted of him, his parents and his younger sister, Klara. They grew up in a small village and made the best of their living conditions. His parents worked so hard to provide for him and his sister but in the end, it was for naught. Ornstein was ten when he lost his entire family. It ripped him apart to even think about them, where they could’ve been if they were here with him. He could’ve given them such a good life with his success as a dragon slayer. 

Tink. Tink. 

Ornstein could hear the sounds of his tears hitting his armour, rolling down the steel and leaving a sheen in its remains. His lips quivered and his bones rattled. What happened that day is what made him become a knight. It pushed him to become something more than he ever thought he could. His family was brutally murder by the attack of three wyvern on their village. To this day he doesn’t know why they attacked yet... That’s the most terrifying part. He doesn’t know what drove them to ruin his childhood. Dragons don’t feel anything. They’re just animals. They just kill and take without a second thought. They don’t have emotions and if they didn’t know any better, they’d probably kill their own young. Ornstein bit his bottom lip to try and stop the violent trembling but it to no avail, his sobs left his mouth no matter how much he tried to stifle them. The agony burnt a hole in his chest and left him weak in the knees. He hated being so vulnerable, so weak. They’d probably laugh at him if they knew what became of their only son. 

At least that’s what Ornstein thought, he would never give himself any credit for how far he came. In his eyes it was only because of the prince that he was here. That if Gwynsen didn’t choose him to be his first knight then maybe he wouldn’t even have a beating heart. Maybe he’d be rotting in the ground, if anyone bothered to pay attention to his corpse that is. That night was the worst night of his life. The night where Ornstein almost took his own life with his spear. He sat in his bed chambers, hands shaking and adrenaline coursing through his veins as he held the weapon up to his throat. He wrote out a note for each of the knights of Gwyn and almost an entire novel Gwynsen, his beloved. Tears burned his eyes red, the clattering of his spear in his shaking hands would ring through his ears for days. He braved himself for the pain, the darkness, his death. But it never came. Instead next thing he knew, he was being held to the ground, his spear having been thrown across the room and being held down by the Lord’s blade. He was put under suicide watch for months, never being allowed alone for as long as he showed symptoms. He never wanted to go back to that state of mind, for himself or for the people around him. 

Artorias couldn’t eat, Gough couldn’t focus and Ciaran couldn’t sleep all because of Ornstein’s selfish behaviour. Gwynsen became sick, never leaving his bed chambers unless it was to be with his first knight. He sent the kingdom into panic for weeks, refusing to leave the dragon slayer's side until he recovered. 

Ornstein snapped out of his daze, looking down at the railing he was currently clutching with his armour coveted fingers. He stared down over the view from his balcony. Over the holy city a gentle light began to rise over the horizon, the sun was rising and soon he’d have to begin his day. A day started by misery and disgusting memories he wished he could erase. 

If his parents were proud of him then surely they wouldn’t lost that pride when Ornstein attempted. 

He truly was a dishonourable child wasn’t he? 

“Ornstein?”   
The knight’s body jolted away from the balcony. He spun around on his feet, tears grinding to a halt at the sudden scare. Adrenaline pumping through his veins. Gwynsen stood just under a metre away from his knight, a pained expression on his face, he looked on the verge of tears himself. 

Ornstein stared at him, chest shaking as he took in every breath. His mind began to race. How long was he here? How much did he see? Did he think Ornstein was about to leap off the balcony?  
“How long... Have you been here?” his voice cracked as he spoke, his cheeks soon becoming wet again from the tears he could no longer hold back.   
“Only a minute” Gwynsen stared at Ornstein with half lidded eyes. He looked so sad, so hurt. a small smile somehow came to the god’s lips. It was warm and reassuring. He didn’t want to ask what make him so upset because he already knew. They’ve done this dance before. All Ornstein needed was for the prince to be there for him with open arms. Who was he to refuse? 

“I brought you tea, I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d help you get ready. It’s also an excuse to steal a kiss or two off you” he joked and motioned towards the cup of tea that was seated upon the beat-up table positioned in Ornstein’s room. 

That is what broke him. The dragon slayer fell to pieces, just about launching himself at the god with open arms. Gwynsen didn’t even flinch at the sudden weight, wrapping his arms tightly around his knight. Ornstein finally let go of all the built-up emotion he tried so desperately to suffocate, almost Inhume noises leaving his throat as he sobbed. Gwynsen had never heard him so upset before in all the time they’ve spent together; he was always so calm and collected. Sure, Ornstein was quite shy and nervous with social interactions but being this hysterical did not fit his character. It hurt to watch. It hurt to hear. 

Gwynsen ran a hand gently through Ornstein’s hair, beginning to rock their bodies back and forth to sooth the weeping soul. No matter how much his Knight’s armour pinched his skin he couldn’t find a good enough excuse to let go. The god placed a gentle kiss to his forehead before leaning his chin against it. With a voice just above a whisper he spoke,   
“I love you with my entire being, Ornstein. You... are the strongest knight I know. I am so...so proud of you” Gwynsen’s words were like a dagger through the dragon slayer, forcing another string of loud sobs through his mouth. His steel fingers dug into the prince’s clothing, almost ripping through the fabric itself. His legs felt so weak, ready to collapse into his partner at any moment. Ornstein just prayed that when he fell that Gwynsen would catch him. 

The god refused to say another word, gently rocking his knight as the hurtful sounds escaped him. 

They stayed there for a long time, probably too long. Ornstein collapsing in the other man’s arms as he cried. 

Gwynsen was his safe space. 

Gwynsen was his family. 

Ornstein would never find out how they felt 

but his family was indeed proud of what he had become.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @holyprincelothric


End file.
